5 Steps to a No-Shame Conversation About Sexually Transmitted Infections

Posted On December 8, 2020

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by Privitest


You have got a partner and you decide to have sex. You do know you have to talk about sexually transmitted infections before indulging in sex.

A few confident people have no problem discussing about STIs with their partners but for the majority of people, talking about STIs makes them extremely nervous.

If you find it difficult to discuss the topic with your partner, these five tips will make the conversation easier and better.

Before you start talking to your partner, you should, first of all, know the basics of STIs and recognize it as a serious medical problem with health consequences. You can learn the basics of STIs and how to have anonymous testing and treatment of STIs.

You need to know what you want from the conversation before starting. You want to ask your partner if he or she has ever had an STI, tested, and got treated?

You also want to make it clear that condom should be worn before sex and that both of you need to get tested before starting the act.

Peradventure your partner is positive to an STI and does not know how to tell you, he or she can send an anonymous sti text or email.

The Talk

smiling black couple with glass of champagne celebrating christmas holiday
Photo by Any Lane on Pexels.com


Starting the conversation looks difficult so it is important you pick a good time and place that will be devoid of interruptions. This conversation has to take place before the heat of sex begins. This means you are both still clothed. Discussing STDs during sexual intercourse defeats its very essence.

You can start the conversation with “We have been discussing sex for some time now and I think I am ready to have sex with you. I however need to be sure we are both free from all sexually transmitted infections so that we will have splendid sexual experiences.”

While many believe that only promiscuous people get sexually transmitted diseases, research has shown this to be false. It is therefore important not to make your partner feel bad if he or she has any STI.

Here is a five-step guide to making your partner comfortable when having that necessary conversation about his or her STD status.

  1. Know your status.


How else to know your status than to get tested? It is better to be safe than sorry. It is not nice to have sex with your partner before knowing his or her status. When you bring up the sex talk, you should tell your partner your STD status and also expect to know your partner’s own. If you are not sure of your status or your partner’s, why not get tested together on Privi Test.

  1. Share your STD status and politely ask your partner if he or she has an STD.


You can start a conversation with your partner with the “I just recently got tested” words. You then go ahead to talk the result with your partner and ask for his or her status. It is important that this is asked in a calm way, devoid of indirect accusations. You do not want to sound judgemental. Your partner should understand that knowing each other’s status is an important factor before sex will be initiated.

  1. Does your partner have an STD? Learn more about it!


Most people go into a relationship with the aim of having a long term relationship. If you realise that your partner has a STD that has not been attended to, the next step is to know more about it; the symptoms and associated risks. This will help in decision making. You will be able to plan when to resume sex after the STD has been treated.

  1. Don’t laugh at your partner for having an STD—please.


Don’t be judgemental, don’t be rude, don’t make snide remarks about your partner. This is pretty self-explanatory. Obey the golden rule, do to others as you expect them to do to you

  1. Can it be salvaged? Help your partner!


You have done your research and learnt about STDs, you may choose to support your partner as he or she goes through the treatment phase. This will help bolster trust in the relationship.

crop anonymous romantic couple embracing while drinking coffee
Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva on Pexels.com


Having the STD conversation with your partner can be awkward and very uncomfortable at first. It cannot however be compared to discovering you got or gave an STD after having sex.

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